bbchausa verticals/019 stop lying to yourself

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#: How to stop lying to yourself [1] <> Yadda za ka daina yaudarar kanka [2]

#: Newly divorced, Eleanor Bain thought shed finally met the man of her dreams. [3] <> Bazawara Eleanor Bain ta yi zaton ta hadu da namijin da ya dace da ita a rayuwa. [4]

#: She was in a new city, looking for a new job and starting a new life with her two daughters, [5] <> Ta koma wani sabon birni, [6]

#: when she fell in love, or so she thought. [7] <> ta na neman sabon aiki domin fara sabuwar rayuwa dayayanta mata biyu, [8]

#: Its like a boomerang, when you suddenly realise that this is not so peachy [9] <> lokacin da ta tsammaci ta yi sabon masoyi. [10]

#: But along with the positives of shared interests, [11] <> Sai dai kuma duk da raayinsu ya zo daya akan abubuwa da dama, [12]

#: there were plenty of negatives. [13] <> akwai kuma dimbin matsaloli da su ka dabaibaye sabuwar soyayyar. [14]

#: Sometimes the pair ended up screaming at each other for hours on end. [15] <> Wani lokacin idan rikici ya barke tsakaninsu sai su kwashe saoi su na sa-in-sa. [16]

#: Looking back, [17] <> Yanzu da ta ke tuna baya, [18]

#: Bain says she was in denial about the relationship. [19] <> Bain ta ce ita ta yaudari kanta game da soyayyar. [20]

#: Its not that you dont want to see it,” says Bain. [21] <> “Ba wai ba na son ganin laifinsa ba ne,” in ji Bain. [22]

#: You dont see it at all.” [23] <> “Ba na iya gani ne kwata-kwata.” [24]

#: She wouldnt hear it when friends hinted something might not be working. [25] <> Ba ta yarda akwai matsala ba ko lokacin da kawayenta ke ce mata ba su dace da juna ba. [26]

#: I did everything to convince them that he was the man of my life.” [27] <> “Na yi iya bakin kokarin nuna musu cewa babu wanda ya cancanci na rayuwa da shi kamarsa.” [28]

#: Why do we do it? [29] <> Don me mu ke haka? [30]

#: Self-deception is a tool for protecting yourself from painful facts. [31] <> Yaudarar kai wacce hanya ce ta kare kanmu daga gaskiya mai daci. [32]

#: Its why we claim to be honest but break the rules anyway; [33] <> Ita ce dalilin da ya sa mu kan yi ikirarin mu na da gaskiya amma kuma mu ke karya doka; [34]

#: tell ourselves we want something [35] <> ita ke sa mu gaya wa kanmu muna son wani abu, [36]

#: like a financially secure retirement [37] <> misali yin ritaya cikin arzikin rufin asiri [38]

#: but consciously construct the opposite, [39] <> amma mu rinka abubuwan da za su rusa burin, [40]

#: or stick with a company even when weve been passed over for a promotion at work. [41] <> ita ke sa mu ci gaba da aiki a kamfanin da ake nuna mana wariya wurin karin girma. [42]

#: Delusion may make day-to-day living easier, [43] <> Yaudarar kai na iya saukaka mana takaicin rayuwa, [44]

#: but it usually comes at a price, [45] <> amma ta na tattare da mummunar illa, [46]

#: according to Cam Caldwell, a visiting professor of management at Purdue University North Central, Indiana in the US, [47] <> a cewar Cam Caldwell, farfesan ilimin shugabancin kamfanoni da maaikatu a jamiar Purdue da ke Indiana, Amurka, [48]

#: who has been researching identity, self-awareness and self-deception for decades. [49] <> wanda ke gudanar da bincike kan yaudarar kai tsawon shekaru masu yawa. [50]

#: He defines self-deception as [51] <> Ya bayyana yaudarar kai a matsayin [52]

#: the holding of two conflicting ideas without acknowledging the conflict.” [53] <> “rike akidoji biyu masu karo da juna ba tare da amincewa akwai sabani tsakaninsu ba.” [54]

#: The price for deceiving yourself includes [55] <> Daya daga cikin illolin yaudarar kai shi ne [56]

#: the risk of alienation, [57] <> ware kai daga cikin alumma [58]

#: when you lose your ability to connect with others because your devotion to your own view of reality is greater than your interest in the truth, [59] <> saboda yadda ka damu da kare raayinka ya zarta kokarinka na fahimtar gaskiya, [60]

#: Caldwell writes in an academic paper, citing American psychiatrist M Scott Peck. [61] <> a cewar wani masanin halayyar dan Adam M Scott Peck, a wata makala da Caldwell ya rubuta. [62]

#: For those who want to avoid burying their heads in the sand, [63] <> Ga wadanda ke son su guji bonono; rufe kofa da barawo [64]

#: ask yourself this question: [65] <> sai su tambayi kansu: [66]

#: Whats worse[67] <> Me ya fi illa[68]

#: a little bad news about your actual situation, [69] <> sanin matsalar da ke maka barazana a rayuwa [70]

#: or abusiness as usualapproach [71] <> ko kuma sakankacewa komai ya na tafiya daidai [72]

#: that leads to a train wreck for your partnership, your money or your career? [73] <> har sai matsalar ta jawo maka gagarumar asara a soyayya, ko kasuwanci ko wurin aiki? [74]

#: While facing up to denial can be a struggle when it comes to matters of the heart, [75] <> Ko da yake amincewa kanka cewa ka na cikin matsala abu ne mai wuya musamman a lamuran da su ka shafi soyayya, [76]

#: not tackling the problems can affect all aspects of your life. [77] <> yin biris da matsalar na iya jawo maka cutuwa a kusan kowanne fanni na rayuwarka. [78]

#: When it doesnt add up [79] <> Matakai uku ne [80]

#: Most of us are guilty of denial at some stage in our life. [81] <> Mafi yawanmu kan yaudari kanmu a wasu lokuta a rayuwarmu. [82]

#: Consider your finances. [83] <> Dubi misali harkar kudi, [84]

#: Youd assume numbers on paper are facts that arent open for interpretation. But when self-deception and wishful thinking come into play, thats not always the case, [85] <> inda ake tafiyar da komai keke-da-keke amma duk da haka akan samu mutanen da ke riya cewa kamar ba haka lamarin ya ke ba, [86]

#: said Kathleen Gurney, the CEO of Financial Psychology Corporation, based in Sarasota, Florida. [87] <> a cewar Kathleen Gurney, shugabar kamfanin Financial Psychology Corporation, da ke Sarasota a jihar Florida, Amurka. [88]

#: She has even seen financial advisors unable to see the plain truth, [89] <> Ta ce har akantoci kan yaudari kansu game da kudi [90]

#: despite the depth of their technical knowledge about money management. [91] <> duk da tarin ilimin da su ke da shi na kididdigarsa. [92]

#: She mentioned one advisor unable to see the risk of losing his house due to missed mortgage payments. [93] <> Alal misali, akwai wani akanta da ya yi asarar gidansa saboda gaza biyan bashin bankin akan kari. [94]

#: Self-deception has distinct stages and can become chronic,” Gurney said. [95] <> “Yaudarar kai ta na da matakai uku,” in ji Gurney. [96]

#: The first is simple denial of unpleasant facts, [97] <> Na farko shi ne rashin amincewa akwai matsala, [98]

#: like you are bouncing cheques or are regularly late on bills. [99] <> kamar mutumin da baya biyan bashi akan kari. [100]

#: A second form of denial is minimisation. [101] <> Mataki na biyu shi ne; kankantawa. [102]

#: In this stage, the person admits the fact, [103] <> Maana, mutum zai yarda cewa akwai matsala [104]

#: but claims its OK and rationalises the action. [105] <> amma sai ya fara kame-kamen yadda zai nuna cewa ba ta da wani tasiri. [106]

#: Its true (this is happening), [107] <> “Da gaske ne hakan na faruwa, [108]

#: but as long as I keep enough money in there, [109] <> amma matukar dai ina biyan bashin daga baya, [110]

#: Im not going to bounce any cheques.” [111] <> ai ba komai don ina makara.” [112]

#: A third form of denial is projection. [113] <> Matakin yaudarar kai na uku shi ne gociya. [114]

#: This is when you admit the problem but shift responsibility for it. [115] <> A wannan lokacin mutum zai amince akwai matsala, kuma ta na da illa amma sai ya goce wa daukar alhakinta. [116]

#: I know, but its really not my fault because Im so busy and I have several jobs…” [117] <> “Na sani, amma ai ba laifina ba ne, ayyuka ne su ka yi min yawa shi ya sa ban samu in biya basussuka kan kari.” [118]

#: Gurneys advice: Consult with a friend [119] <> To ina mafita? A cewar Gurney neman shawarar abokai [120]

#: or a professional to analyse whats working in your finances and whats not. [121] <> ko kwararrun masana ita ce babbar maganin yaudarar kai. [122]

#: Self-deception is not limited to finances and relationships. [123] <> Yaudarar kai ba a harkar kudi ko soyayya ta tsaya ba kawai. [124]

#: It also plagues many people throughout their careers. [125] <> Ta kan addabi mutane da yawa a bakin aikinsu. [126]

#: Here again, its quite easy to let wishful thinking replace a sound assessment of the facts. [127] <> Anan ma, ana iya ganin yadda buri da karatun wasikar jaki kan maye gurbin nazarin gaskiya da gaskiya. [128]

#: Thats what happened to a client of Nadine Gimbel, [129] <> Wannan shi ne abinda ya faru ga wata maaikaciyar banki da ta nemi shawarar Nadine Gimbel, [130]

#: a career coach in Frankfurt who is sales manager for RF/F Raum Fuer Fuehrung, a consultancy which supports organisations and management with change processes. [131] <> mashawarciya kan harkokin aiki a Frankfurt, Jamus. [132]

#: One woman she helped was a mid-level executive at a major German bank who complained about not being promoted, despite long hours and hard work. [133] <> Maaikaciyar ta yi kukan cewa an ki yi mata karin girma duk da kwazon da ta ke yi a bakin aiki. [134]

#: The woman, in her early 40s, had only a vague idea of where she wanted to go and why she wanted to go there. She was also waiting around for someone to notice that she was doing a great job. [135] <> Matar mai shekaru sama da 40 na jira ne shugabanninta su lura da kokarinta har su yaba mata da karin girma. [136]

#: She was fooling herself by thinking that someone else had to discover her,” [137] <> “Yaudarar kanta ta ke yi da take zaton cewa wani dabam ne zai gano kokarinta,” [138]

#: said Gimbel, who worked with the woman on articulating what she wanted and communicating that to her boss. [139] <> in ji Gimbel, wacce ta shawarci matar ta rubuta abinda take bukata sannan ta sanar da shugaban sashin da ta ke aiki. [140]

#: She did this and the boss realised where she was coming from.” [141] <> “Hakan ta yi kuma shugaban ya amince da kara mata girma.” [142]

#: Gimbels suggestion to those who are avoiding the writing on the wall at work [143] <> Shawarar Gimbel ga masu fuskantar wariya ko rashin gamsuwa a wurin aiki ita ce, [144]

#: is to first get clarity on what you really want. [145] <> su tantance me su ke bukata [146]

#: Then take responsibility by taking the necessary actions, such as communicating what you want or leaving a job thats not working. [147] <> su tunkari shugabanninsu ko kuma su bar aikin da bai biya musu bukatunsu. [148]

#: Life includes change, [149] <> “Sauyi wani bangare ne na rayuwa, [150]

#: and we often hold on to things because were afraid,” Gimbel said. [151] <> amma mu kan guje shi saboda tsoro,” in je Gimbel. [152]

#: Usually we only regret the steps we didnt take, or the changes we didnt make. [153] <> “A gaskiya dai mu kan yi nadamar abinda bamu aikata ba fiye da abinda mu ka yi. [154]

#: We dont know where we would have gone if we hadnt been afraid.” [155] <> Bamu san inda zamu kai ba, in da bamu ji tsoro ba.” [156]

#: Of course, seeing truths about yourself and acting on them requires courage and steadfastness. [157] <> Tabbas! Sanin gaskiya game da kanka dabam, aiki da ita kuma sai da juriya da karfin hali. [158]

#: For Bain, the tipping point in her personal relationship came when she saw her new partner criticise her daughters. [159] <> Ga Bain, ba ta iya samun kwarin gwiwar kawo karshen dangantakarta da sabon masoyinta ba sai da ta ga cin mutuncin nasa har ya kai gayayanta. [160]

#: Its like a boomerang, when you suddenly realise that this is not so peachy,” [161] <> “Amma fa da ciwo matuka,” [162]

#: said Bain, who added she feltacute painand wanted torun for her lifewhen she finally understood the denial she had been living in. [163] <> in ji Bain wacce ta ce ji ta yi kamar ta gudu daga garin lokacin da ta gano irin zurfin yaudarar da ta yi wa kanta. [164]