misc/Nostalgic Depression

Nostalgic Depression: Symptoms and How to Cope

By Stacey Colino

https://www.inoreader.com/article/3a9c6e743bf37883

https://www.psycom.net/depression/nostalgic-depression

When someone perceives their past as significantly better than their present circumstances, nostalgia can lead them to dwell on what’s been lost. “Nostalgic depression is more likely in times of adversity, such as financial hardship, relationship difficulties, grief, or traumatic stress,” says Batcho. Similarly, if someone feels disconnected from their past—perhaps because of the death of a close loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, or moving to a new place—that “can trigger nostalgic yearning for one’s previous life along with depression that stems from the realization or belief that what has been lost cannot be regained,” she adds.

Reminds me of Quran/9/51, also at the end of Yaqeen's Why Me Ramadan 2024 series: https://quran.com/en/at-tawbah/51. Still need to develop a reliable system to reduce or eliminate these "intrusive thoughts" [1] and tendencies.

1. (Tuesday's AW Dua 141) O Allah, I place my needs before You. Although my thoughts are deficient and my actions weak and wanting, I am in need of Your mercy. So, O the One Who decides all affairs and O the One Who heals the hearts, just as You keep the oceans apart from each other, so keep me away from the punishment of Hell and from seeking destruction (in the Hereafter, due to agonies of Hell) and (protect me) from the tribulations of the grave.
2. (Thursday's AW Dua 185) O Allah, turn the stray thoughts of my heart into Your fear and remembrance. Turn my aspirations and desires toward things of Your liking and pleasure. And when You try me with ease or discomforts, then make me stick to the path of truth and the Shari‘ab of Islam.
3. Duas related to death/dying
4. And know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. [2]
5. ...the angel who blows his soul into him and who is commanded with four matters: to write down his rizq (sustenance), his life span, his actions, and whether he will be happy or unhappy (i.e., whether or not he will enter Paradise). [3] [4] ... hadith/seek the beneficial lesson (qadr, saying lau / if only, Shaykh Mokhtar encouragement to keep going, repeat...)
6. Increase the night prayers in seclusion/loneliness (the black slave story as told by Dr Shadee and Ammar via MuslimMatters.com), prioritizing one's vertical relationship with Allah vs the need/desire of belonging, being liked, etc with the people (horizantal)... 12th min by Sh. Mohammad Elshinawy.
7. Repeat these dhikr/zikr
   1. Subhanallah = How perfect is Allah (a phrase that means to free Allah from anything harmful, shameful, or improper. It can also mean to say that Allah has no flaw in his perfection and is far above any imperfection.)
   2. Wal Hamdulillah = And all thanks and praises are due to Allah
   3. Wa La ilaha illallahu Muhammadan rasulillahi SAW = And There is no Ila/God/Deity worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad SAW is His final beloved messenger. SAW = May Peace and blessing be upon him and his family and companions (sahaba).
   4. Allahu akbar = Allah is greater (than anything - circumstances, people, nations)
   5. Wa Astagfurullah wana tubu elaik = And I seek forgiveness and repent from You Allah.
   6. Wala Hawla wala quwwata illa billah = https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=la+hawla (38th min via Murphy)
8. dua/year of sadness...

How to Stop Feeling Nostalgic for an Ex - School of Life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GScIO3KkpZ4

“After considerable agony, we’ve left a relationship. We’re on our own now – and, when we can bear to be honest, it’s a little harder than we expected. We aren’t going on many dates; the central heating broke down last week; the shopping is proving a hurdle. In idle moments, we find ourselves daydreaming, returning fondly to certain occasions in the concluded relationship. There was that wintry weekend by the sea: they looked adorable walking on the beach in their thick scarf. We fed the seagulls and drank cheap white wine from paper cups on the seafront and felt connected and happy. Then there was a moment on honeymoon, when we discovered the little Vietnamese restaurant hidden away in a side street in Paris and became friends with the owner and her husband. Or we recall how, at a large party, we both realised we didn’t particularly like the other guests – it was a special, conspiratorial moment: the two of us, shoulder to shoulder, talking over just what was wrong with everyone else. We’re newly conscious of the charm of so many things that seemed ordinary at the time – coming out of the supermarket, putting everything away in the fridge and the cupboards; making soup and toasted cheese and watching television on the sofa…”

Workable solutions:

We should trust not what we feel now, in our weepy disconsolate state, but what we must have known then. A simple rule of thumb emerges: we must invariably trust the decisions we took when we had the maximal information to hand upon which we made them – not when we have emotional incentives to change our minds and mold ourselves into a caricature of an easily-gratified creature. There were persuasive reasons, even if – in our sadness – we now can’t remember a single one. Returning to the past wouldn’t make us content,

1. Trust your decision, remember you were ruminating on divorce for years and did plenty of istikhara.
2. Accept qadr, submit to Allah