misc/Briggs

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|He states that rudeness is the one human behavior he cannot tolerate because there is no need for impolite or rude behavior.

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What lessons can be drawn for me, a divorced Hausa dad with a 3 year old boy ibbu, whose mom is pakistani, high conflict with avpd

Drawing on the information in the sources and our conversation history, here are some lessons that might be relevant to your situation as a divorced Hausa dad with a 3-year-old boy, Ibbu, navigating a high-conflict relationship with his Pakistani mother who you describe as having AVPD:

# '''Prioritize and Fight for Your Happiness:''' Mustafa Briggs repeatedly emphasizes the importance of fighting to maintain your happiness because, as he puts it, the world will steal it if you don't try and hold onto it. He states that he has been through so much in life that if he wasn't laughing and didn't prioritize his happiness, he doesn't know where he would be. The world can put you in a position where it will crush you if you don't fight to keep your happiness. In a high-conflict situation, this lesson is particularly pertinent, as such environments are inherently draining. '''Focusing on maintaining your own emotional well-being is not selfish; it's a necessity to prevent being crushed by the conflict and to be a stable parent for Ibbu.''' Having a positive mentality and clinging to things you can be grateful for are strategies he uses.

# '''Navigate Conflict and Difficult Behavior with Boundaries and Principle:''' Mustafa expresses a strong aversion to rudeness and impolite behavior. He talks about cutting off relationships where he doesn't feel appreciated or comfortable. While you cannot simply "cut off" a co-parent, the principle of setting boundaries and not engaging in unproductive, rude, or petty interactions is crucial. Mustafa advises that when faced with opposition or people who don't mean well, you should '''retract from the situation, pray about it, leave it in Allah's hands, and do the best thing you should do in that situation'''. He stresses the importance of '''not stooping down to their level''' or reacting to pettiness with pettiness. This approach suggests focusing on your own conduct and relying on a higher power rather than getting drawn into the cycle of conflict.

# '''Understanding Envy and Seeking Protection:''' Mustafa discusses the reality of the evil eye and envious people who may try to sabotage success. While your situation is familial rather than related to public success, the principles of dealing with negative intentions from others could apply. He mentions that the last two chapters of the Quran are for seeking refuge from the envious. His teachers taught him that '''prayer and ''sadaqa'' (charity) are important ways to protect oneself'''. Relying on faith and seeking spiritual protection from negative influences seems relevant to navigating a difficult relationship dynamic.

# '''Forgive, But Don't Forget (Set Boundaries):''' Mustafa states that he doesn't hold grudges and strives to forgive for the sake of Allah, meaning he doesn't seek revenge. However, he also notes that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean forgetting or feeling entirely free of negative feelings towards someone who has caused pain. He concludes that it's okay to '''keep a distance and create healthy boundaries''' between yourself and people who have harmed you. This balance of spiritual forgiveness (for your own peace and for Allah's sake) and practical boundary-setting is a valuable lesson for managing interactions with a high-conflict individual, especially in a co-parenting context where some interaction is necessary, but emotional entanglement in the conflict should be minimized. He also mentions that sometimes people's difficult behavior stems from their own challenges or unhealed parts, which can offer a perspective without excusing the behavior.

# '''Prioritize Your Family (Your Son):''' Mustafa recently became a father and uncle and speaks about prioritizing time with his family and son. He sees putting himself first "not in a selfish way" but because he has a son and family, and his well-being benefits his "ecosystem". He talks about the unmatched happiness of childhood as based on ignorance and discovery, highlighting the preciousness of this stage for Ibbu. '''Your focus on your son's well-being aligns with Mustafa's perspective on prioritizing family.''' By managing the conflict effectively (setting boundaries, protecting your happiness), you are creating a more stable environment that ultimately benefits Ibbu, your "ecosystem".

# '''Embrace Identity and Heritage:''' As a Hausa dad with a Pakistani co-parent and a son of mixed heritage, Mustafa's emphasis on the importance of understanding history and identity is relevant. He highlights how his own identity, shaped by his West African origins and Islam, influenced his path. While not directly addressing the conflict, this aspect of the conversation underscores the potential importance of exploring and preserving the cultural and religious heritage for both yourself and Ibbu, drawing from both Hausa and Pakistani roots, within the broader context of Islam which spans diverse cultures.

While the sources do not delve into the specifics of co-parenting dynamics or personality disorders, they offer principles rooted in faith, self-preservation, and managing difficult relationships that resonate with the challenges you face. '''Maintaining your personal peace and spiritual connection, setting clear boundaries, and prioritizing your well-being as a means to effectively parent your son''' seem to be key takeaways applicable to your situation.

@@ Line 39: / Line 39: @@
 |He states that rudeness is the one human behavior he cannot tolerate because there is no need for impolite or rude behavior.
 |}
+What lessons can be drawn for me, a divorced Hausa dad with a 3 year old boy ibbu, whose mom is pakistani, high conflict with avpd
+Drawing on the information in the sources and our conversation history, here are some lessons that might be relevant to your situation as a divorced Hausa dad with a 3-year-old boy, Ibbu, navigating a high-conflict relationship with his Pakistani mother who you describe as having AVPD:
+# '''Prioritize and Fight for Your Happiness:''' Mustafa Briggs repeatedly emphasizes the importance of fighting to maintain your happiness because, as he puts it, the world will steal it if you don't try and hold onto it. He states that he has been through so much in life that if he wasn't laughing and didn't prioritize his happiness, he doesn't know where he would be. The world can put you in a position where it will crush you if you don't fight to keep your happiness. In a high-conflict situation, this lesson is particularly pertinent, as such environments are inherently draining. '''Focusing on maintaining your own emotional well-being is not selfish; it's a necessity to prevent being crushed by the conflict and to be a stable parent for Ibbu.''' Having a positive mentality and clinging to things you can be grateful for are strategies he uses.
+# '''Navigate Conflict and Difficult Behavior with Boundaries and Principle:''' Mustafa expresses a strong aversion to rudeness and impolite behavior. He talks about cutting off relationships where he doesn't feel appreciated or comfortable. While you cannot simply "cut off" a co-parent, the principle of setting boundaries and not engaging in unproductive, rude, or petty interactions is crucial. Mustafa advises that when faced with opposition or people who don't mean well, you should '''retract from the situation, pray about it, leave it in Allah's hands, and do the best thing you should do in that situation'''. He stresses the importance of '''not stooping down to their level''' or reacting to pettiness with pettiness. This approach suggests focusing on your own conduct and relying on a higher power rather than getting drawn into the cycle of conflict.
+# '''Understanding Envy and Seeking Protection:''' Mustafa discusses the reality of the evil eye and envious people who may try to sabotage success. While your situation is familial rather than related to public success, the principles of dealing with negative intentions from others could apply. He mentions that the last two chapters of the Quran are for seeking refuge from the envious. His teachers taught him that '''prayer and ''sadaqa'' (charity) are important ways to protect oneself'''. Relying on faith and seeking spiritual protection from negative influences seems relevant to navigating a difficult relationship dynamic.
+# '''Forgive, But Don't Forget (Set Boundaries):''' Mustafa states that he doesn't hold grudges and strives to forgive for the sake of Allah, meaning he doesn't seek revenge. However, he also notes that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean forgetting or feeling entirely free of negative feelings towards someone who has caused pain. He concludes that it's okay to '''keep a distance and create healthy boundaries''' between yourself and people who have harmed you. This balance of spiritual forgiveness (for your own peace and for Allah's sake) and practical boundary-setting is a valuable lesson for managing interactions with a high-conflict individual, especially in a co-parenting context where some interaction is necessary, but emotional entanglement in the conflict should be minimized. He also mentions that sometimes people's difficult behavior stems from their own challenges or unhealed parts, which can offer a perspective without excusing the behavior.
+# '''Prioritize Your Family (Your Son):''' Mustafa recently became a father and uncle and speaks about prioritizing time with his family and son. He sees putting himself first "not in a selfish way" but because he has a son and family, and his well-being benefits his "ecosystem". He talks about the unmatched happiness of childhood as based on ignorance and discovery, highlighting the preciousness of this stage for Ibbu. '''Your focus on your son's well-being aligns with Mustafa's perspective on prioritizing family.''' By managing the conflict effectively (setting boundaries, protecting your happiness), you are creating a more stable environment that ultimately benefits Ibbu, your "ecosystem".
+# '''Embrace Identity and Heritage:''' As a Hausa dad with a Pakistani co-parent and a son of mixed heritage, Mustafa's emphasis on the importance of understanding history and identity is relevant. He highlights how his own identity, shaped by his West African origins and Islam, influenced his path. While not directly addressing the conflict, this aspect of the conversation underscores the potential importance of exploring and preserving the cultural and religious heritage for both yourself and Ibbu, drawing from both Hausa and Pakistani roots, within the broader context of Islam which spans diverse cultures.
+While the sources do not delve into the specifics of co-parenting dynamics or personality disorders, they offer principles rooted in faith, self-preservation, and managing difficult relationships that resonate with the challenges you face. '''Maintaining your personal peace and spiritual connection, setting clear boundaries, and prioritizing your well-being as a means to effectively parent your son''' seem to be key takeaways applicable to your situation.